|The Best Thing Ever|
If there is one fundamental difference between males and females, it is surely the communication gene. You can see it in children, and this just gets more obvious as they get older.
It’s not uncommon for women to moan about their husbands not talking to them enough, and we all know women tend to be better (or worse, depending on how you look at it) at gossiping.
This difference has been really apparent when my daughter has friends to play. She is eight and has quite a lot of friends that are boys. They are just silly together, running around, shouting, but when she has girlfriends round, they go up to the bedroom and chat – even gossip about other people at school!
It started me thinking about how seriously we take our Best Friends. I have a BF, I'm assuming you do. Yet, given that we are (supposedly) grown women in our 20s, 30s or 40s, aren't we a bit old for the whole BF thing?
Absolutely not. It seems a BF fulfils part of a relationship that a husband or partner, with the best will in the world, cannot. Fundamentally, men are not as communicative as women, and it's a well known fact that women like to communicate. A lot. We like to analyse every part of a conversation over and over again. We need to have someone we can phone and “talk doo doo” with, without a curt dismissal or feeling that we are forcing our poor other half into a role that doesn't fit him. Women understand that we sometimes simply need to vent, to unload, and that we aren't necessarily looking for the other person to fix whatever is bothering us.
As children, we'd have all had Best Friends, but these friendships may well have been lost along the way as life progressed. As adults, we seem to hand pick our primary confidante more carefully; after all, a BF may well last longer than a husband. That's not to say these friendships can't be lost or fade away. Like a relationship with a man, they need to be worked at, as well as have 'intimacy', or confidence. Sadly, geographic moves or changes in circumstances can wreck such a delicate balance.
So does this make us horribly flighty? I don't think so, but I do think that as when we were children, we can outgrow a BF. For example, I had the most wonderful BF in my 20s, but the fact that she is slightly older than me meant she went down the marriage/children route before me and we lost the equality to our relationship. We are still very good friends, but sadly she would no longer be my first port of phone call.
I think this is the crux of a BF relationship: equality. Neither of you is top dog, which is one of the reasons you were drawn to each other in the first place. So many friendships, whether close or casual, involve some form of antagonism or competition. The beauty of a BF is finding someone you are genuinely rooting for. Someone whom, trite as it may sound, you can genuinely share the highs and lows with, without any tinge of jealousy or resentment.
I'm lucky enough to have a great relationship with my husband. I'm also very lucky to have a great relationship with my BF. My husband doesn't realise how lucky he is, having a lot of the 'admin' of our relationship dealt with by my BF. Long live the BF.