Feeding children is a contentious issue at the best of times, but after school always seems to be more explosive. When we get our brood home they are often tired, grumpy and not in the least bit inclined to do their homework or be cooperative. Food is the one crucial fix that helps revive spirits and renew energy.

But being an expert in the kitchen does not always protect you from the trials and tribulations of dealing with children. Shirlee Posner, who has an MSc in Food Policy, leads us gently through the food minefield.

It is a fact that food can create a warzone, and as parents we need to recognise what the triggers are in our house and how to disarm them safely and effectively. They won't be the same as our friends, and you need to have confidence in your parenting and find out what works for you and your children. We all know someone who has one picky eater in the family, whilst the others may eat anything that is served. It's the luck of the draw really and whilst you can't change your picky eater overnight, you can manage the situation so it doesn’t get out of hand.

Having cooked more hot dinners in my career than I care to remember, I naively imagined my own children would eat everything I offered. The bubble burst when my daughter went to her first fast food outlet and discovered the addictive flavour of high fat ‘fun food’ and the magnetic attraction of free toys. Likes and dislikes can change overnight, peer pressure impinges and we all recoil in shock when our once easy to feed infant learns to say “no”. Research shows that many children eat a very limited range of foods that are too high in fat and sugar and low in essential vitamins and minerals. This can lead to problems later on as the fatty streaks on the arteries of the heart that ultimately contribute to coronary disease can start as early as eight to nine years old. Learning to make healthy food choices should be high on the home curriculum the minute weaning starts.

Great health resource

Whilst we are made to feel guilty in some quarters, it's good to be reassured that the fast food is fine as a treat and for special occasions. Don’t feel guilty about offering it in this way, we all need a break sometimes. Remember too that if your child refuses to eat a healthy home cooked meal then their nutritional intake is zero regardless of the potential. Contrast this with a child who eats a fast food meal with a high calorific value providing energy and nutrients. Fast foods can be a great health resource for stressed parents too!

Take control

Remember: you buy the food in your house so if you do have problematic eaters, don’t keep anything in the house that could cause conflict. Many adults find it difficult to choose to eat healthily if given the choice between sweet or savoury food - just look at adults shopping in food outlets at lunchtime - so we can't expect our children to find it easy either. In fact, women are far more likely to eat a muffin with their coffee than men and men are less likely to eat green vegetables.

We also need to give children the right size portions. One day I was doing some observation in a well known coffee shop in Guildford when a couple with their daughter, who was probably about six years old, caught my attention. They had bought her a tuna fish sandwich and a chocolate brownie bar and the little girl was desperate to eat her treat but was not allowed until the sandwich was finished. The sandwich contained around 450Kcal and the brownie 370Kcal, so if she had managed to finish it all she would have consumed in one meal almost two thirds of her recommended calorific intake for the whole day. Interestingly enough, because of consumer watchdog organizations such as Which criticising the size of coffee shop portions, this particular chain now offers kids' sandwiches at a reduced value of 370K cal, but even so many of these items still contain as much as or more fat than a Big Mac. I am sure the parents of that little girl were blissfully unaware of the high calorie count of that meal, which was excessive for someone of her age to be expected to eat in one sitting.

Here are some ideas I put together for some work I did with parents when I lived abroad. I have updated them but still think they may be useful.

The 10 Commandments

1 Don’t let them spoil their appetites. Going to an after school activity? Take a coolbag of fruit and sandwiches, or other savory snacks and avoid any appetite killing junk and drinks with hyper inducing potential.

2 Don’t succumb to pre-dinner pester power. Offer a bowl of cut fruits, melon, mango, apples, oranges, grapes etc – if they are that hungry they’ll eat them - vegetable sticks and a dip also work.

3 Don’t always cook alone. Make cooking a family activity. Children love to play with food – get them to make fresh fruit smoothies to drink while you work. Fun glasses, straws and cocktail accessories can liven this up.

4 Delegate. Help your kids learn the basic skills while helping you. Grating, chopping, mixing can be learnt safely with adult supervision.

5 Be prepared. Keep a stock of family favourites in the freezer such as pasta sauces, meatballs and curries for quick solutions.

6 Don’t be a food fascist. Fried stuff, sweet stuff, and pre-made stuff is okay occasionally (just check salt levels).

7 Experiment. Be prepared to try new foods and share ideas with your kids. Look through cookery books together (not when they are hungry) and allow each child to pick a recipe they like and a date in the diary to make it.

8 Think about meal times. There is a lot of pressure from celebrity chefs to encourage us to all eat together as a family. If your partner doesn’t get home until late it probably won't work for you and you may not want to eat the simpler foods your kids prefer. It is better to feed kids when they are really hungry and not when you think they ought to eat.

9 Menu plan together. Involve your kids in menu planning and food shopping. Let them use the internet to get ideas.

10 Be realistic. Sometimes we just can’t face cooking. Whether it is a takeaway or a ready meal, do your research, as there are healthier options available at many of these.

Healthy snacks

Naturally sweet carrot sticks, snow peas and cut up fruit are just some ideas for snacks. My son always liked to chill in front of the TV when he got home from school and I would just very quietly hand him a bowl of fruit or veg to snack on. We didn’t talk about it and he usually ate whatever I gave him while I got dinner ready. Now he is older (11) he often comes and helps himself to a banana or similar as he knows that sweet things are for after dinner.

Not all children are keen on eating fruit, so get them started by sprinkling a tiny bit of sugar or honey on top to gain their interest. They then benefit from the nutritional value and it becomes more of a treat. Once they are eating fruit regularly, just leave off the sweetener. For dessert or a treat try melting some dark chocolate with some half fat crème fraiche or low fat yogurt as a dip to go with fresh fruit such as bananas and strawberries.  

Next time Shirlee will share some techniques, cooking tips and recipes  .

Shirlee Posner lives in Guildford and has two children aged 16 and 11. Her career with food spans 30yrs in both in her early career as a chef and later as an academic at South Bank University and more recently at Surrey University. Up until the recent cut in government funding Shirlee was the regional manager for Food in Schools for the South East of England. You can see more of her work and sign up for her food blog here www.shirleeposner.com.

All photographs in this article were taken by Shirlee.